aheartfororphans

“We need the orphan as much as the orphan needs us.”

Each of our staff at World Orphans has been asked to reflection on the following statement:

"We need the orphan as much as the orphan needs us."

My first response to this statement, honestly, is "what?" Do we "need" children to be orphaned? No, that is not the point. The place I come to is that we need to serve the orphan, our culture needs to respond to the orphan. They need care and we need to serve. They need love and we need to love. The need and response complete a circle of sorts. From early on in scripture, we see reference to orphans and our condition as orphans. This is not a new idea to God. He reaches out to us, adopts us as His children, so that we are no longer orphans…but at home in His family. God loves us, extends His love to us long before we understand it or can respond.

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

As many of you know, for Debbie and me, our first involvement in orphan care was the decision to adopt an abandoned little girl from China. So, this subject becomes very personal, as much as it is about our organization, the church and society.

Our decision to adopt was in response to what we perceived as God’s calling on our lives. We had thought we were done having children (having two biological children already), but somehow God was not letting us rest. We wondered if we should or could have another, and what that might mean to our family. And then, through a series of unrelated (from our view) events, God clearly placed adoption on our hearts. An idea we loved, but had not personally considered. He broke our hearts over circumstances for girls in China. As we looked at our Charlotte, we imagined her left unattended, unloved, or at least minimally attended and loved. We imagined her bottle propped up for her rather than lovingly held and rocked to sleep, and so much more. Our decision to adopt was not in response to the global orphan crisis, of which we knew little about at the time. We simply felt we could share the blessings that God had bestowed on us. We answered the question, "Is there room in your home and your heart for one of these little girls." Yes, yes there is.

We had no idea how our lives would be changed. Norah is an absolute delight. She is funny, charming, sweet, adorable, and loving…and a little ornery too. She has captured our hearts. We can’t imagine life without her, any more than we can image our lives without any of our other children. We have seen God use this experience, and specifically Norah, in each of our lives, and know that will continue in ways we don’t see yet, particularly for our other children. God sees the big picture of which we are a part. In seeking His calling on lives, we "need" to hear and respond to Him.

We have been told on more than one occasion what a blessing our adoption is to Norah, we quickly reply that the blessing is ours. For us, our adoption doesn’t feel noble or sacrificial. Our family "needed" Norah to be the family God intended for us. Norah "needed" a family.

Norah has been with us for a year now; she is certainly no longer an orphan. I can say with all sincerity, our family would not be complete without her.

From need comes love. I believe God is pleased by that.

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:12

The orphan, whatever their circumstance, desperately needs love. We desperately need to love. That’s how God made us. Let us love…to the ends of the earth...even if it takes us across the world.

Happy Birthday Norah - by Debbie Vair (Mom)

Today we celebrate our Norah’s 2nd birthday. This is the first we have spent with her, having brought her home from China near the end of August last year. We have shopped for a few toys, have a little family party planned with Chinese food and chocolate cake…we think Norah would pick these things if she could (she loves rice and chocolate). That’s our family custom – birthday boy/girl picks dinner, and cake/dessert, of course.

We just celebrated Charlotte’s 6th birthday last week. Complete with a "big girl" dance party, new bike, her restaurant choice, and a chocolate, chocolate, chocolaty cake.

I suppose we all reminisce as birthdays come and go…I always seem to with the kids’ especially…remembering the day they were born, the first time I held them, their "firsts," funny things they said, and just general memories. Charlotte loves to hear stories about how small she was, having been born 5 weeks early, spending her first 2 weeks in ICU. It’s good for Trevor to hear stories about his early years, reminding him that he was a toddler…and a first-grader too…not so long ago. He was the SWEETEST little boy…still is, really (sorry Trev).

With Norah, particularly, I know I will always remember the moment they put her in my arms. She was screaming, but I knew she was home. She even seemed to figure that out pretty quickly. I imagine, as she grows older, we will share with her about our time in China. This first year with her has been northing short of amazing. She has done so well. Struggles may come, indeed, but she has settled in just beautifully.

(Image: Debbie holding Norah for the 1st time)

(Image: Norah at her Aunt Terri's house last month)

As I reflect on her birthday, as many adoptive parents likely do, I can’t help but wonder what her birth mother remembers, what she will be thinking today. Will she cry, as I do, as she remembers? Will she somehow know how dearly loved this precious child is? In the context of our culture, we can assume a lot, but in the context of another culture, particularly China, I wonder if she will even remember. Did she love Norah as a mother does, or did she see her as a burden? Did she delight in this sweet little one and simply had no means or options available? Norah was left in a safe place, in a box with a blanket, found the day after she was born. Certainly, within the context of that culture, that is a gesture of love. Many times, even that effort is not made. While seemingly culturally "acceptable," there is great risk in being found out, in abandoning a child. But, again, options are few…and thankfully, Norah’s birth parent(s) took that risk, loved her enough to leave her where she would be found. A year later, we brought her home.

I wonder too about the orphanage caregivers. In China, most all orphanages are government run, funded and staffed (or more likely, under-funded and under-staffed). They say that working as a nanny is coveted work, so there is little turnover. Do they remember, or are their hands just too full. Do they have special ones who capture their hearts, or are they really able to keep their distance? All of the children from our orphanage seemed to be exceptionally well cared for…all things considered. The nannies really seemed quite fond of the girls. I wonder what they remember… While I can sometimes resent that Norah had to spend that entire first year away from us, in my heart, I am thankful for the care Norah received in those first months.

For the past couple of nights as I have put Norah to sleep, I have told her over and over again how I love her, how precious she is, and how thankful I am for her. I pray for God’s blessing upon her. I marvel at her face, her smile, her laugh, her tummy, her cute little feet…how she says ‘happy…happy…happy" as I sing, "You are My Sunshine," the favorite of Trevor and Charlotte too. Although, we alter the words a bit to, "…you’ll always know, Dear, how much I love you, and you’ll always be my Sunshine." And then there’s the "I love you" or "Wah be," as she says it. As I say good night, I ask her, "Are you Mommy’s love?" and she replies, "Yas," with a hearty nod.

So, today our busy, bouncy, spunky, dear little toddler turns 2! It would be impossible to call them the "terrible twos" as we know these are precious days. OK, there are and will be days that are at least trying, and maybe even terrible, but she is a very normal toddler…against all odds…healthy, happy, well-nourished, loved beyond measure…constantly fighting for whatever her sissy "Zizzy" has, and adoring her big brother "Bahboo." And so, the everyday routine becomes precious.

(Image: playing in the water)

(Image: camping at Ranger Lakes)

Happy Birthday, my dearest Norah. I praise and thank God for you. You are a delight to me, to your Daddy, to your brother and sister, to many…and especially to God. May you truly always know how much you are loved. May you know the joy and love of Jesus. May you rest in the love of a God (THE God) who brought our family together from across the world, with perfect intentions, and perfect plans for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD. Psalm 117:2 (NIV)

(Image: Debbie, Charlotte & Norah)